Tags
civilian life, combat, death, dicipline, fear, iraq, kristan blanchard, lateral walls, love, marine, normal life, out of control, sons of anarchy, trenton phoenix, VFW, voice recording, wires crossed backwards
Download “Fear in Iraq vs Fear at Home – Oct 27, 2012.mp3” Voice Recording
Length: 6 min 57 sec
My voice recording talking about fear in combat (Iraq) versus my fears here at home, in normal civilian life – the idea that my wires may be crossed backwards, having more fear and damage from losing relationships and important people in my life walking out, there by causing my spiral into a path that I don’t know, I may not understand, and I may not have full, if any, control over. As opposed to the very real physical danger of combat, but knowing my role, knowing my capacity and knowing what will happen to me if any one of a dozen scenarios happen, being okay with this, and thus not fearing the outcomes – due to the psychological lateral walls i must operated in between.
The discipline instilled in me by the U.S. Marine corps offered safe haven, and repressed fears, as opposed to the total lack of control, lack of clear defined boundaries and operating procedures in daily civilian life. Fear not knowing what I will be tomorrow, or where I will be, or how I will act as a result of the loss of an important relationship (rather real or perceived).