From a U.S. Marine combat veteran, raw and personal (unedited) voice recording with transcript “I’m a Warrior, not a Bureaucrat”, in response to the overwhelming questions of “How can I willingly go to war for this President (then Bush) and Government?”
Recorded: November 1, 2012.
Recording used as material for upcoming book “Warfighter: The America Warfighter’s Battles at War & Home” by Kristan M. Blanchard.
This is my voice recording discussing shock – how it applies to people, veterans and non-veterans alike. My goal is to bridge the gap between Warfighters – Veterans, and everyone else. There’s a disconnect in people who have never experienced military, war, combat, and those that have. Our media depicts action and dramatic events and that’s how our society relates to Warfighters, ect. But it’s more of a theatrical, or dramatic relation, than a real intimate connection.
So I wanted to bring home the stages of Shock, what causes shock, and discuss ideas about how a Warfighter may deal with shock differently than non-Warfighters – by using everyday experiences in life, I wanted to tie a connection between you and me. Putting shock in terms of you, and your life – by sharing intimate experiences of my own outside of combat. From the death of my dog hours ago, to divorcing my ex-wife, to near suicide, the potential risk in loss of the love of my life, to being shot at.
We are all human, just like you; fragile, weak, made of flesh, and imperfect just like you. Capable of loss, of pain, of love, of lust, of joy and peace. We are not some alien life-form unrelated to yourself that’s exploited in movies and video games – we are real; humans, just like you.
My voice recording answering a question I was asked regarding how I can take orders, and risk my life for politicians I may not even like?
The answer being because I am a warrior. I was born one, I am one, and I will die one, and I will never be anything different than a warrior.
Also discussing one core commonality between a politician and a warfighter in an effort to also explain key differences as to further expand on my meaning and intention in stating that I am only a warrior (warfighter).
This is my voice recording attempting to define what combat is – the sustained exposure to the real or perceived threat of kinetic or psychological danger.
I further propose ideas about who is most likely to experience combat, what types, and why – in addition to the possibilities that some type of combat may be more acceptable and therefor less damaging than other types to a given type of person experiencing it.
Debunking the idea that PTSD can only occur when someone experiences sustained and excessively intense kinetic violence (the idea that only “Rambo” can have PTSD). The reality being that even combatants, or even more likely, Warfighters that operate at such a high opperation tempo, always on alert, always suspecting, and therefor always under the real or perceived threat of intense bodily harm or death, but never actually engaged in a “fire fight” may also develop [re]adjustment disorder, dissociative disorder, or PTSD.
My voice recording identifying and debunking certain significant stigmata’s regarding Post Traumatic Stress Disorder & Readjustment Disorder and a call to action to for you to speak out and share experiences and fears regarding PTSD.
Some significant stigmatas pertaining to PTSD & Readjustment Disorder:
That this person is a coward, or a wuss, and complains too much
That this person cannot be trusted to do things he/she did before (i.e. use weapons, care for children)
That this person’s ability to make a living will be threatened
That this person is not worth anything anymore
That this person is using it as an scapegoat, therefore PTSD is a lie, so they are lying
That others will not understand this person
That it makes this person somehow disabled/wounded/compromised
That it means this person is now mentally weaker
That others will be/are afraid of this person
Have another stigma regarding PTSD/Readjustment Disorder? Leave a reply below!
My voice recording discussing ideas about what Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD – or Readjustment Disorder) is, how it is formed, shortterm and long term effects, what type of person or group of people is prone to it, why it happens, why stress inoculation is absolutely vital to the strength and readiness of our military and its members, and that I am not a lone – that you likely know someone close to you who is a warfighter who shares views, experiences and symptoms.
Discussing ideas about Marines running towards enemy fire, keeping calm watching and listening and honing in on the target and providing offensive and defensive actions as needed – as opposed to running in panic.
Discussing that we (warfighters, veterans) may not realize the totality of our changes, or PTSD until after we are done serving, maybe months, maybe years after.
My voice recording discussing the ideas about what makes up a “warfighter” versus a combatant versus a soldier, or a private contractor, or a civilian. Briefly hitting on the U.S. Rules of Engagement definition of “combatant”, denouncing the idea that any military member is automatically a combatant, and a warfighter: attempting to broaden the definition of a word that is not yet defined into a more lateral perspective as opposed to a linear, simple perspective.
Discussing the idea of posturing, how that applies to the U.S. Marine Corps, and people in general, and who is most likely to become involved (usually by happenstance or accident) in kinetic combat actions (defensive or offensive – most likely defensive pursuant to the flight mechanism).
References made to Army (Retired) Lt. Col. Dave Grossman‘s work, specifically noting his statements that a human being “has to be severely deviated in nature to kill another human being” and that we (humans) “have an almost phobic reaction to violence” further supporting his idea that we must first become deviated in such an extreme manner in order to knowingly kill another person – regardless of circumstance (“On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society“
My voice recording recounting my post and my EOF target engagement in WestAcc (western access) vehicle control point in Iraq mid 2007 – escalation of force (EOF) execution under the current U.S. Rules of Engagement (ROE). Pulling the trigger, the process of committing to the action, and willingly embarking on a path that may end human lives – ultimately accepting the responsibility and ramifications of willingly taking another human life (regardless of circumstances). Some of the inter-personal politics at the small unit level, and the process by which EOF was executed.
During this point in my deployment is when I made my first bracelet that I wear nearly 24/7 on my left wrist – to me signifying this incident, the changes in my life, and a constant reminder of what I have done and what could have happened to me, and over a dozen other Marines and Iraqi nationals.
My voice recording of my thoughts regarding my mental/emotional armor, how I distance myself from other people despite attempting to get closer to them, the tests and trials I give them, in an effort to expose some behaviors that are triggered or birthed from experiences, and losses either directly or indirectly related to military service, PTSD, Combat and possibly other reasons.
Also discussing the potential effects on my relationships, both short and long term, and possible symptoms of readjustment disorder (or PTSD), why I think I do this, and how automatic or subconscious my behavior may be.
My voice recording talking about fear in combat (Iraq) versus my fears here at home, in normal civilian life – the idea that my wires may be crossed backwards, having more fear and damage from losing relationships and important people in my life walking out, there by causing my spiral into a path that I don’t know, I may not understand, and I may not have full, if any, control over. As opposed to the very real physical danger of combat, but knowing my role, knowing my capacity and knowing what will happen to me if any one of a dozen scenarios happen, being okay with this, and thus not fearing the outcomes – due to the psychological lateral walls i must operated in between.
The discipline instilled in me by the U.S. Marine corps offered safe haven, and repressed fears, as opposed to the total lack of control, lack of clear defined boundaries and operating procedures in daily civilian life. Fear not knowing what I will be tomorrow, or where I will be, or how I will act as a result of the loss of an important relationship (rather real or perceived).