From a U.S. Marine combat veteran, raw and personal (unedited) voice recording with transcript “I’m a Warrior, not a Bureaucrat”, in response to the overwhelming questions of “How can I willingly go to war for this President (then Bush) and Government?”
Recorded: November 1, 2012.
Recording used as material for upcoming book “Warfighter: The America Warfighter’s Battles at War & Home” by Kristan M. Blanchard.
My voice recording recounting my post and my EOF target engagement in WestAcc (western access) vehicle control point in Iraq mid 2007 – escalation of force (EOF) execution under the current U.S. Rules of Engagement (ROE). Pulling the trigger, the process of committing to the action, and willingly embarking on a path that may end human lives – ultimately accepting the responsibility and ramifications of willingly taking another human life (regardless of circumstances). Some of the inter-personal politics at the small unit level, and the process by which EOF was executed.
During this point in my deployment is when I made my first bracelet that I wear nearly 24/7 on my left wrist – to me signifying this incident, the changes in my life, and a constant reminder of what I have done and what could have happened to me, and over a dozen other Marines and Iraqi nationals.
My voice recording talking about fear in combat (Iraq) versus my fears here at home, in normal civilian life – the idea that my wires may be crossed backwards, having more fear and damage from losing relationships and important people in my life walking out, there by causing my spiral into a path that I don’t know, I may not understand, and I may not have full, if any, control over. As opposed to the very real physical danger of combat, but knowing my role, knowing my capacity and knowing what will happen to me if any one of a dozen scenarios happen, being okay with this, and thus not fearing the outcomes – due to the psychological lateral walls i must operated in between.
The discipline instilled in me by the U.S. Marine corps offered safe haven, and repressed fears, as opposed to the total lack of control, lack of clear defined boundaries and operating procedures in daily civilian life. Fear not knowing what I will be tomorrow, or where I will be, or how I will act as a result of the loss of an important relationship (rather real or perceived).